"God gave us two ears but only one mouth, just to listen the double talk and half "
Epictetus, greek philosopher - the first century AD
Active listening is based on creating a" climate "in which a person can feel included, so you must be really available to understand what the other is saying, but at the same time we must listen to themselves, their reactions and possibly their "distress" as an indication of the limits of their views.
You must also accept our "not knowing" and our difficulty in understanding, to establish a relationship of respect and mutual recognition.
This is not easy for us, it is natural, because we always need to classify everything around us and, accordingly, the trial ... but the trend is exactly what you should do if you really want to hear. The same goes for the easy tendency to "counsel" to resolve any issues of who speaks to us.
It's actually easier to create barriers to communication messages by using more or less explicit rejection, such as, for example, to interpret what the other says, moralizing, change the subject.
is why, for active listening, you must follow certain rules:
· Listen content, that is what we are told, by collecting all necessary information about the situation at hand, asking questions to seek clarification
· Understand the purpose, namely to understand why our party is telling us something, trying to figure out what is your point of view
· observe non-verbal communication , as an indication of the mood of the interlocutor, and light of contradictory signals
· check your own reactions and their non-verbal communication , that is to be aware of the messages you are sending
· with participation Listen without judging , trying to put yourself in his shoes to understand her feelings, while retaining the awareness that the problem is not ours.
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